There are moments in our lives that change us forever. They make you wonder what if the chain of events were different... would the outcome be the same?
September 8, 2008: Testing Center Boy came in to the UVU testing center. I was the one that helped him and I wouldn't let him take the test due to no government issued ID. What if someone else helped him? What if he had ID? What if he came in when I was wasn't working? Would I still be married to him? Who knows? But I am grateful that all those things fell into place. This is a big moment in my life that changed it forever.
Another big moment that changed my life is something that I hardly ever talk about. I recently decided that I should talk about it as much as legally possible so I can cope better and not keep it all inside. Today all the memories were pretty much thrown in my face. Looking back on November 6, 2011 I know Heavenly Father had my back. It is hard for me to think about what if. What if I didn't go in to work that day? What if I was working with different staff? What if I ignored my gut or the holy ghost what ever you prefer to call it? What if.... what if....??
November 6, 2011: Seemed like any other Monday at work. Went to my unit also known as Dorm 2 with a game plan for me and my aids. We will call them Trevor and Hannah. I told them that I thought a patient (we will call her Lacey) was going to try something stupid to be moved to a different unit so she could be with her best friend. I had no idea how stupid her plan was. But our plan was to basically keep her in eyesight at all times.
The day went on... I could tell Lacey was agitated and what I like to call gamey. She was annoyed that we wouldn't let her out of oursight. We were close so I talked with her, asking what are things she could use to calm down. One thing she mentioned was showering. A hour or so later she had calmed down and so I asked if she would like to shower and so she went and got all her stuff ready. Hannah was gone helping another unit. Trevor was also called to help another unit.
As Lacey turned on the shower I thought to myself, "I got this. I don't need their help." Within a few seconds I realized I was wrong. I just had a feeling to call Hannah over. I got on my radio, "Can you come over here?" "Yeah I am on my way." I then went to check on Lacey. I called into the bathroom, "Lacey." No response. "Lacey." Again no response. I called Hannah, "I need you now!!" Right then she ran threw the door. I told her that Lacey wasn't responding. We walked into the bathroom... she wasn't in the shower even though it was running. We opened the bathroom stall and there Lacey was... hanging from her shirt. Dead. Another patient walks into the bathroom and sees her friend and starts to scream. I grab her and drag her out and get on the radio and call "Code Blue Dorm 2" And got the rest of my unit moved away from that situation. I hear my boss run into the bathroom and burst into tears. She gets on the radio, "CODE BLUE DORM 2!" A therapist is calling 911 as staff takes turns doing CPR. Police are there... girls are crying and screaming. I see the EMT roll her out. Not knowing if she was alive or dead at this point. I am shaking so bad I can see my kneecaps moving. Another staff comes and asks me what is going on she missed the action and I broke down crying. I spent a good 5 minutes crying in the bathroom. I didn't want the patients see me cry I had to be strong for them.
The rest of the night is filled with paperwork and putting on a front. I was about to go home when a couple therapists came up to me and told me that Lacey is alive and in ICU in a coma and they don't know how it's going to end. The next few nights when I actually fell asleep I would have nightmares about Lacey and the bathroom. I didn't want to fall asleep because I didn't want to dream, but I didn't want to be awake because I didn't want to think about it.
Lacey is now in a different treatment center. She doesn't remember that day at all. She was told what happened but thats really about it. She knows I was there and Hannah was there. But sadly in her new treatment center she had tried to take her life two more times. Today a therapist came up to me and said, "I talked to Lacey today, and she wanted me to tell you that she misses you. And she loves you." I wanted to cry. Hoping that maybe I did do something good at this job. At least once.
So what would have happened to Lacey if it was a different staff on her unit? Thats something I hate thinking about. My boss along with other staff tell me, "Kellie, if it would have been any other staff she would have been dead. You followed your gut."
Today a patient asked me, "Kellie do you remember Lacey?" I could honestly say, "I will never forget her."
November 6, 2011
